We’ve all been there: you’re thirty minutes from shift end, you’re already drowning in paperwork because your EMT partner keeps putting you back in service, and you’re vaping as hard as you can to hot-box the ambulance… and that’s when another call drops. 32 y/o female with abdominal pain and vaginal bleeding. Great, you say to yourself before shooting a glare at your partner, knowing you have to put up with their tomfoolery for one more call. One more call until you can clock out. One more call until you can drive to your lonely apartment, pull an opened bottle of wine from the fridge, and ignore the rancid taste of its vinegar tinge as you drink yourself to sleep while watching YouTube on how to tie a noose.
You arrive on scene and it’s a black female that’s emotionally distraught and crying on the toilet. Another miscarriage. Does anyone really even care anymore?
You tell her to stop asking questions you don’t have the answer to, put her in the back of the ambulance, and take her to the nearest hospital. And then she starts trying to talk to you about the Thunder in some attempt to calm herself down.
“Focus,” you say to her, “Stop talking about the Thunder and worry about your failed womb.”
But she kept talking. Something about an SGA (which I think is an actor’s guild?) and a thing named Chet, who I think is some type of large ostrich-bird.
God, I’m so, so tired of hearing about this basketball team. My therapist says I need to chill with that. But what do they know? My last five therapists fired themselves after I opened up about my feelings on the Irish, so I’m not sure they can be trusted anymore.
Is anyone else tired about this stupid basketball team? I know I am. And if you’re a Thunder fan, I personally look down on you.
Part of the reason I look down on you is that I’m so unbelievably tall. And people have asked me my entire life if I played basketball. The answer is obviously yes. I am gifted by God but it would be silly to waste my gift on something as juvenile as sports. That’s what I told the high school coach after he said I needed to learn where the ‘three point line’ is. What even is that?!
Anyway, I’m home now. Just me, my glass of yesterday’s Pinot, and my special vape I made from some expired medications.
So if any of you are also tired of the Thunder, let me know. I think it’s time we stop being the silent majority.
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