Tag: work

  • I Deserve to be a Supervisor, Despite My Criminal Record

    At my particular agency, we employ various field supervisors that oversee the crews out on the road. And for the most part, these supervisors are awful. They are the paramedics that couldn’t actually do the job well enough to justify keeping on the ambulance, but somehow didn’t screw up enough to be fired. As someone who has been nearly fired numerous times, I’ve proven that I’m capable of that aspect of the job.

    But I obviously know more than all of them. So often supervisors are showing up on MY scene and trying to tell me how to run MY patient. “Confirm that intubation” they’ll say, but why should I waste time confirming my skills? I saw the stylet go into a hole! I know it’s good! And if the only qualification for supervisor is ruining their best medic’s scene, then it’s time I throw my hat into the ring.

    So, let’s talk about the reasons I should be a supervisor:

    1. I’m a woman. Our current lineup of managers is very much a sausage party. As I mentioned to the HR representative when they brought me in for my last ‘disciplinary’ meeting, I’m not above suing for gender discrimination.
    2. I’m better than all of our current lineup. Not only have I been a medic for nearly two entire years, but I am constantly researching and practicing new techniques, such as using an IO drill to create an emergency cerebral ventricular shunt.
    3. I am willing to stand up for my coworkers. And by coworkers, I mean my fellow supervisors. I will have your back and punish anyone who dares to question our authority. This is for the good of the company, which means its for the good of the employee.
    4. Not al the crimes I committed are illegal in all states. And the ones that are currently have no active warrants. That means I’m a safe bet as long as I stay within Oklahoma and don’t cross any state or county lines.

    So if you know me, and many of you do, mention my name next time there is a potential opening. Frankly, I’m having trouble making rent and vape prices keep going up, so I could really use the money. Just remember that I have plenty of blackmail material on all of you and I’m willing to use it.